jamaica in jamaican (no photos available)

in Short you won't understand this post unless you put some effort into understanding or buy this book: The Jamaican Dictionary write by chen rogers or u can use internet to translate but i will keep it short.

this is not gibberish it is real Jamaican although it does look like a really badly spelt english essay.

Mi organised di trip a bit to late an den had di trouble of nuh being able to book many things but mi mum manage to help mi book a nice place nuh fi far from di city centre of montego bay. Inna di next two days wi see a few of di sites an eat fi wi fair portion of jelly coconuts. Wi also organised otha aspects of di trip. Wi den get a van ( cause wi need one fi all fi wi luggage ) an drive to Port Antonio. Afta a very lang drive through coconut fields likkle ocean towns an nearly getting lose like 3 times wi arrive at fi wi hotel Geejam. Di hotel nice wi book to rooms suh dat fi wi parents cud ave sum privacy. Its a hotel weh all di famous people guh wid private rooms an a recording studio at di front fi all di singers It ave a nice likke beach at di battam to. one day wi guh dung to sant antoinio an dis guy give wi a tour bring wi to di maja sites an to a markit area. Afta three days at Geejam Wi guh a lunch at goldeneye a hotel dat did make near ian flemings house di autha of james bond an there wi meet mat smith who did docta who an wi talk to him. wi guh a kingston via di mountains weh all di blue mountain coffee a guh supposedly one of di best beans inna di world. Wi stay at a hotel inna di mountains call strawberry fields dat ave a gud view ova kingston fi wi house ave two bedrooms an lots of space wid wraparound balconies at night wi guh nyam at di main building weh wi cya look at all di lights of kingston. It did very nice cause inna di mawnin wi cud look at di sun rise ova di mountains while having breakfast pon di veranda. inna di mawnin wi guh swimming an den dung di mountain ongle fi guh up again inna di search of a coffee shop inna which wi also had lunch pon fi wi second time dung di mountain a tree fall pon wi an broadcast fi wi cyar leaving a huge hole. Wi drive dung di mountain an round kingston wid a huge hole inna fi wi cyar until wi find di cyar place nuh bady did damage. Afta getting a new nuh broken cyar wi drive to treasure beach wi get lose really badly an drive up a dirt road dat did overgrown wid grass bushes an trees an look challenging even eff wi drive it inna fi wheel drive but afta sum whisky (fa dad) an anotha hour wi arrive an had dinna. Wen wi weh at jakes wi relax did blogs an sum otha activities fi example wi guh to pelican sup'm a likke shallow area weh pellicans nest an there a bar make entirely outta wood weh yuh cya buy a jink an watch di sunset di wata isn\'t very deep suh yuh cya si di fish perfectly inna di meta deep wata wi also guh to a dinna wid di owna an all di guests of di hotel pon di way though wi get very lose. Pon fi wi laas day inna kingston wi guh to devon house an had really gud ice-cream an visit a markit at witch di lady who owns jakes had a store an wi nyam fish at a local place near di airport before flying out to cayman island.

Di end

New york (photos not available)

New York

The cold

It was cold.

I shivered then hastily covered it up. I didn't expect it to be cold so i had walked out of the plane baring only a light jumper, now i was regretting it. 

Not that i don't like the cold i love it i think my favourite time is spring closely followed by winter, probably because i much prefer looking at people sipping their coffee wrapped in scarfs and hats rather then those same people posting on a crowded beach like a pig on a spit.

Anyway as i was saying.

It was cold. we drove past icy streets and people walking hastily from one heated room to another and the smell of coffee mixing with that constant oder of sewage that was ever present slipped through an open crack in our my window. 

We stopped. 

We had obviously arrived and has i woke from my lack of sleep, coffee and me time daze. At the same time recognition dawned, after all I have come here every time I have been in New York. Truman’s house.

Apparently we where going to destroy the peace and quiet in their home by for the third time that year staying in their house. You cant help but feel bad for them after all we almost send them out of house and home with our luggage noise and overall presence every time we are invading their personal bubble with is their home. But none the less Elizabeth, Truman’s mum, invites us for some unknown reason and dad accepts, so here we are for the upmost time.

Truman had school I had sleep to catch up on so it worked out. i would wake from my self induced coma of blog tv shows and socialising in the afternoon he would come back and we could play on the play station, something i can't own therefor must play every chance i get, and order take away.

On the days when i either got bored, forced into action or truman had social events i would  venture into the beautiful cold witch had already brought meters of snow to all the country side. 

Walking

When i did leave, witch was more often then u may think, i would walk.

down the grid up the grid around the grid, up four streets down a couple of avenues, this way that way. 

It was fun. the shear pleasure of being lost is thrilling. going down the same street only to find a part of it you didn’t see before or a hole in the wall place that served one of the best pizzas for a dollar i had ever seen.

However the purpose of my strolls wasn't entirely just to get lost it was also cause it was November the month before christmas, so as expected i went shopping. Not that its expected to go christmas shopping a month before. Generally i presume the average american does it in the two weeks leading up to the day, but i am not the average american. in fact I'm not even american I'm from Australia and the differences don't end there. I’m not at school, i don't enjoy american football, i don't own a playstation and i don't go to school. And because i don't go to school and don't own a playstation and don't live in a permanent location therefor i have all the time in the world to buy pressies and get lost.

of course my father is nothing like that he wont prepare for the season. he will do it in the last 2 days at witch point most stores are closed and what he wants to get is out of stock so it is not a big surprise that what he gets rarely pleases my mother.

As i sat in the aforementioned pizza place warming my chilly hands against the winter chill i also realised it was almost thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

after some brief and decisive deciding we decided we would stay in New York for another week in order to give thanks. and when the day arrived we where up walking through the ever present chill towards the parade. luckily we didn't have to stand uncomfortably pressed against a metal bar with policemen standing infront of u blocking the view and we had an inside man of sorts, Nick Graham.
Nick is a business man of sorts who has designed a new shirt and tie brand and has an office that faces the exact area where the parade takes place. Nicks connection to us is via Elizabeth who he is a friend to.
So our inside man brought us to his office and we watched the parade. it was a colourful affair with lots of people blowing at their horns and drumming their drums. and lots of lightly dressed cheerleaders fighting the cold with a triumphant smile on their face as they marched in front of their band and behind their county flag, there where floats with people smiling and waving and huge balloons soaring in the sky barely held down by the 50 men leading them on their march.
after the excitement of the parade we left the group that we where with and went home. the parents cooked the children played nick came over, more games where played and we then ate.
Nick Elizabeth Truman Mum Saffron and I sat down and ate an amazing meal we then finished of had desert and gave thanks. This is when we asked nick why this was his favourite holiday.
"its like christmas only without the greed"

photos i would have taken in Hawaii recreated with our apartment and a paper robot (PHOTOS ARE CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE)

i don't know why but i love the fact that Hawaii has two Is at the end.
dad and i arrived in Hawaii 3-5 days after mum and saffron did. to be more precise we didn't arrive in Hawaii but we arrived in honolulu. We drove to our hotel. the hotel was right on Hawaii's most famous beach Waikiki.
By now you realise i am now in Hawaii but u can't understand why i didn't just name this post Hawaii.
The truth is when i came to Hawaii i had taken a couple of photos with my new super cool cannon AE-1 camera and i wanted to develop and see my first batch so i brought my film to a place left it and then left my camera in a suitcase. i did this cause i thought we where only going to Maui for a few days then going back to Oahu before going to the big island. i was mistaken and consequently didn't bring my camera.
so these 10 pictures are the poor excuse for the amazing photos i would of taken.

1. duke kahanamouku statue

internet for scale

you can step outside our hotel (after an extremely slow lift ride and a couple of stairs) and straightaway you will see the paper, i mean bronze statue of hawaii's most famous swimmer surfer and canoer (thats not a word, well it should be). but its not the statue that is most interesting it is also the pristine white sand beach of Waikiki where thousands of fat people get sunburned just for the hell of it.

2. a photo of myself taken by myself of myself pushing my sister on her surfboard (u are now think how the hell did Isaac do that)

one pleasant afternoon my sister goes for a surf and i go for a paddle on a board aka paddle boarding. my sister being the stubborn old horse she is decides that she needs to go on a hardboard longboard even though her arms don't really reach the edges and when she paddles only the tips of her fingers can reach the water but so be it. As one would think she found it difficult to paddle on to a wave and then guess what happened her supper nice brother stopped enjoying paddling around and instead pushed her onto waves ignoring the cuts on his feet from the reef (well now she can't say I'm mean).

3. lounging around by the pool doing nothing

Once in maui after a short drive and some shopping we arrive at our hotel and do what i love most. absolutely nothing. the perfect way to spend any holiday on the beach.

4. playing golf in the rain

as there is a first time some one will travel in time and a first time some one will get kill be a robot there will also be a first time for something much more boring for example golf (not as exiting) for me. it wasn't the most exiting of things but it was extremely satisfying hitting the bejeebeez out of them ballz (it also rained)

5. hiking up a mountain

so early one morning we drove to a place climbed up a mountain to look at water fall from the sky aka waterfalls (i guess water falls are somewhat pretty) (nothing a lazy person hates more than waking up early and then walking up a mountain)

6. walking down a mountain

late one morning we walked down a mountain past a car park to a swim in a lake/ waterfall (how am i spotted to know what the lake bit bellow a water fall is called) (i guess swimming is somewhat fun) (nothing a lazy person hates more then walking up and then down a stupid mountain) (why walk up in the first place)

7. driving

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO RECREATE THAT WITHOUT A MINIATURE CAR

having a 4 wheel drive was unnecessary but it meant that we could go for drives so we did we drove to the aforementioned waterfall and golf and we drove around the island. we saw the dry side with beach on one side and sun baked hills on the other, the rainforest side with the most windy roads in the universe and with landslides here and there and almost every where and then the agriculture side with vineyards and fields and fog so it was very interesting

8. ziplining / jaws

we did some simple zip lining and then went to jaws (no not the movie the surf site) where it was one of the very few yearly days where there are 20-30 foot waves and all the famous surfers risked their lives for the thrill and the fame of surfing one of them monsters

9. dolphins and volcanos weird mix

once on the big island we did some dolphin meet and greet fun because we could touch them and see them but so fake cameras where there to record the thing for publicity (still fun but definitely fake) (not as good as swimming with them in the ocean for reals). then we went and flew over a couple volcanos and next to some waterfalls in a chopper which was very cool i couldn't stop speaking into my com system saying "BLACK EAGLE TO EAGLE EYE WE ARE COMING IN FOR LANDING DO U COPY" "EAGLE EYE TO BLACK EAGLE WE COPY LANDING BAY IS LOT 7 OVER" or "MAYDAY MAYDAY WE ARE COMING INTO HEAVY FIRE IMMEDIATE BACK UP NEEDED I REPEAT WE ARE UNDER HEAVY FIRE BACK UP NEEDED NOW". after that adventure with no enemy attacks and what not we went and stayed near a volcano with was also cool especially at night when an eery red glow escaped from  the crater.

10. Hawaii 5-0

on our last day's few hours before our flight we decided to go to do the only thing saffron wanted to do in Hawaii, see the cast and crew. unfortunately that was impossible so instead we had a taxi take us around to all the sites of honolulu where they where now to shoot. so we went to the kamahamea statue (first king of Hawaii) near their HQ, the police station the hilton where we bought some memorabilia etc.
it probably wasn't as good as seeing them but i think saffron enjoyed it so alls well that ends well talking bout endings didn't i say thats when we left Hawaii oh right straight onto a plane to New York

VEGAS BABY

we arrived in Cairo mid morning cruising through the airport at moderate velocity (as can be expected when travelling with dad and his useful little APEC card) and then into a cab and drove through the dazzling sun of the sahara. Driving to our hotel i noticed the absence of camels (probably cause last time I was in Cairo i had a distinct recollection of sun sand and camel dung). driving through our palm ringed driveway to our gold windowed hotel i also recalled there being more traffic (must of been a holiday).

Furthermore in our hotel there was a large number of signs for casinos, not one or to, more like a sing for every point on a compass. this also didn't fit my idea of Cairo. 

The view from our room did so to. since when does Cairo have such a large number of swanky hotels.

At this stage of my travels i had to question am i really where i think i am.

i decided to walk.

i saw a pyramid in the distance. an legible sing and lots of water.

i walked through a casino (MGM Grand), past the statue of liberty and past the eiffel tower.

Now that my first assumption of being in Cairo was sharply dismissed i had to look at other options.

Paris

the eiffel tower thats in paris. there is also a pyramid (the louvre) and there are lots of fountains

But it isn't as hot 'deserty' and arid. also i recal rude people but no rude fat people. and the statue of liberty is in New York not in paris. furthermore what road in paris is called the strip french has more es in it (just look at this language learning site http://ielanguages.com/frenchphrases.html).  

we walked through an archway and suddenly the sky took on a lighter hue and the gurgle of a slow moving river joined in harmony the sound of footsteps clacking on marble.

all of a sudden we where in Venice lovers getting driven around in gondolas tourists taking selfies and the strong oder of coffee and other concoctions looming in the air.

after mild shopping through the streets we went home to sleep.

next morning deciding for a change of scenery we went the other way past the pyramid the sphinx and the Obelix thats when i saw it and the clouds of confusion cleared and i knew where we where

WELCOME TO VEGAS BABY

YOU COULD NOT OF JUST LOOKED AT A SIGN!!!!!!!!!

the lady of the dead

"The Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico developed from ancient traditions among its pre-Columbian cultures. Rituals celebrating the deaths of ancestors had been observed by these civilizations perhaps for as long as 2,500–3,000 years.^[10] The festival that developed into the modern Day of the Dead fell in the ninth month of the Aztec calendar, about the beginning of August, and was celebrated for an entire month. The festivities were dedicated to the goddess^[11] known as the "Lady of the Dead", corresponding to the modern La Calavera Catrina.

By the late 20th century in most regions of Mexico, the practices had developed to honor dead children and infants on November 1, and to honor deceased adults on November 2. November 1 is generally referred to as Día de los Inocentes ("Day of the Innocents") but also as Día de los Angelitos ("Day of the Little Angels"); November 2 is referred to as Día de los Muertos or Día de los Difuntos ("Day of the Dead"). ^[12]" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead#Observance_in_Mexico says the worlds worst encyclopaedia)

A friend of my dads, Michael Marr, (previously mentioned) said i should give some background about the day of the dead personal i disagree but to humour him i did so any way (for more http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead#Observance_in_Mexico <click here or if it doesn't work don't be lazy command c it) one cold winter morning three men (or one teen and two fifty year olds)(why must every story have three in it)(three pigs, three sisters, three bears etc.) woke, not all at once, it is rare something happens all at once, but nun the less they did. They all got dressed, they all got in a cab and they all drove the the airport. they where all heading to the same place, to he same hotel but not for the same reasons. The oldest one was there for business and a little bit of fun, the middle one was there for the occasion and the youngest one was there to see the world.
Well knowing me i like to make a story so obviously if u have a braincell or two u can tell who these people are and if u don't have a brain cell (i know a few that don't) these "three men" are me, dad and Mr Marr and if u haven't been concentrating or as i said before have no brain cells we are in Mexico City, Mexico. What for, the idiot reader may ask. for the day of he dead.
oh and also my second batch of photos with my camera.

^ MR. Marr ^

for the apocalypse loving reader don't get exited cause as i mentioned before "The Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico developed from ancient traditions among its pre-Columbian cultures." it is a celebration not a day where dead people rise form the graves craving brains.
Michael dad, a movie script writer currently working on the movie kungfu panda 3 (or 4)(Harry) where all in Mexico for this occasion that happens after halloween. 
Because we where there two days early we decided to do some site seeing.

and then when the day came we went we saw we did not conquer but we took pictures and video.

OH AND IT ALL LOOKS SPOOKIER IN BLACK AND WHITE

WARNING 

THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED CONTENT OF IMAGES MAY BE SCARY IF YOU HAVE HEART PROBLEMS ARE PREGNANT OR UNDER THE AGE OF 13 DO NOT WATCH OWNER IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE CONTENT OF THESE IMAGES

IT IS ADVISED TO CLOSE YOURE EYES AND SCROLL UNTIL YOU THINK ITS OVER

Focus is the guy with his hand in the air chanting just saying

creepy

the angel of death

Focus is the candles

look at that lady hugging the skeleton thingy

MY FAVOURITE PICTURE

the angel of death gets her own band 

more chanting

why are bringing you're daughter to pray to the grim reaper

Michael filming

Harry being afraid of fireworks (understandably too loud to close)

they shuffle there on their knees she must be important

THE END

you can open your eyes now

other then eating at good restaurants and sleeping we saw some other sites such as 

> The grasshopper castle

 

Here i took some artsy photos and learnt about Spanish people who thought warts where fashionable

and an aztec museum where i sacrificed a goat on the sacrificial table. For realz. And a market 

cause who doesn't love pretty colourful skulls

And the day after Harry left to make Po meet his real father (whoops spoiler) (harry didn't tell us we kind of lured it out of him) we went and scaled some pyramids.

useless pyramids cause their only purpose is to get closer to the "Gods"

any way non the less it was fun and interesting (not necessarily the pyramids)

then we left Michael behind just before the Mexican riots started and went to VEGAS BABY